All Waters
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But seriously, Perfume Genius needs to come with a warning label. Let’s not worry about schlock hip hop lyrics or coy radio-friendly puns. A revivalist PMRC needs to petition Matador to warn consumers that overexposure to Mike Hadreas’ woeful breathtakers is likely to leave one with something to a life hangover. Hadreas’ latest tender depressive is “All Waters,” a fragile downer that, as Matador freely admists, is “a gorgeous soundtrack for anyone trying to keep it together in everyday life.” The song’s lyrics are either bravely tenderhearted (everything will be beautiful when I learn to love you) or painfully bleak (learning to love you is conditional upon the impossible):
When all waters still
And flowers cover the earth,
When no tree’s shivering
And the dust settles in the desert,When I can take your hand
On any crowded street
And hold you close to me
With no hesitating.
Because if these lyrics are as bleak as I think they are, then how the fuck does Matador suggest you keep it together after this wrist-slitter? Just how are you supposed to find the internal motivation to actually get out of bed or shower or shave or climb on the subway or sit at your desk for a full work day or brave another commute home or visit with friends or hold hands with your lover or hope for anything more than for the pain to stop?
Just for your own information, Hadreas has stated this song is meant to address the internalized shame of *publicly displaying* his (homosexual) love, not so much obstacles to feeling that love in the first place (though in some cases they could be intertwined, I realize). Still sad, but I think this lends the song a more hopeful tone (? – probably not the exact word I’m looking for, given the last line of the quote below). Even if it is a sad resignation, at least the tenderness and intimacy that is privately there comes through:
“Why are straight women always walking with their hands in the back pocket of their boyfriends’ jeans? Would I do that all the time too if I didn’t have to think about it? Alan [Hadreas's boyfriend] and I hold hands in specific parts of the city and sometimes outside of those parts. But there is always a little ‘catch’; no matter how much I think the shame and fear is gone, there is always a little something in the back of my mind. I am almost embarrassed sometimes when we are holding hands, and that fucking infuriates me. I can’t even imagine that hesitation ever going away, and that makes me very sad.”
He gives a little blurb about each song on the upcoming album here: http://www.matadorrecords.com/perfume_genius/biography.html
Must admit that I don’t regularly read your blog, but whenever I get directed back to it, I love it.
Chris, thanks so much for the amazing comments. This is such a profoundly moving song: it does seem to balance that fragile kind of hope with a weary sense of resignation. And I’m extra glad that you like the blog. Come back as often as you’d like.